If Bill Gates Had Been from the South...

And Microsoft Had Been Headquartered There

  1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders
  2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle
  3. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag or cardboard
  4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Ahh-ight" or "Naw"
  5. Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be Dueling Banjos
  6. The "Recycle Bin" in Winders '95 would be an outhouse
  7. Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you'd hear a digitized drunk redneck yelling "Freebird!"
  8. Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders '95 theme song would be Achy-Breaky Heart
  9. PowerPoint would be named "ParPawnt"
  10. Microsoft's programming tools would be "Vishul Basic" and "Vishul C++"
  11. Winders 95 logo would incorporate Confederate Flag
  12. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
  13. Instead of WWW servers, Microsoft would have KKK servers
  14. New Shutdown WAV: "Y'all come back now!"
  15. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz"
  16. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am
  17. Microsoft Office replaced with Micr'sawft Henhouse
  18. Four words: Daisy Dukes Screen Saver
  19. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire
  20. Spreadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead cars in your front yard
  21. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor pull Simulator
  22. Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates
  23. Redman plug'n'play interface
  24. They could still use Ky-row as code name for next upgrade, but Albenny would be the one after that
  25. Instructions for use would include "mash the control key."

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