Author Unknown
However, I've seen most of these individually in several places

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Lets face it... English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant
There is no ham in hamburger
There is no apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England
French fries iweren't invented France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

If we explore the paradoxes of English, we find:
Quicksand can work slowly.
Boxing rings are square.
A Guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing?
Why is it that grocers don't groce?
Why is it that hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

Doesn't it seem crazy:
That you can make amends but not one amend?
That you comb through the annals of history but not through a single annal?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it - and odd or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites?
How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? For example:

Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown?
Met a sung hero or experienced requited love?
Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly, or peccable?
And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who WOULD actually hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which:
Your house can burn up as it burns down,
You fill in a form by filling it out
An alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, is not a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.


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