On Redheads

Various unknown authors

An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.

"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old redhead. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love."

The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!"

So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"

Q: What is the difference between a redhead and a computer?
A: A redhead won't accept a three and a half inch floppy

Q: How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?
A: She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl.

Q: How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?
A: There's a hammer embedded in the monitor.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a redhead in bed?
A: A blonde let's you leave the bed when you are satisfied - a redhead let's you leave the bed when SHE is satisfied.

Q: What's the true definition of a blonde?
A: Redhead with the fire of passion missing.

Q: What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
A: Normal

Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A redhead!

Q: What do you get when you mix a redhead, a battery and potato chips?
A: A redhead who's Eveready and Frito-Lay

Q: What's the Redhead Dating Motto?
A: The fastest way to a man's heart is through his ribcage.

Q: What do redheads and McDonald's have in common?
A: You've never had it so good and so fast.

Q: How do you get a redhead to argue with you?
A: Say something!!!

Q: How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
A: Wait 10 seconds.

Brunette after sex: "Oh that was great! I Love you...wanna get married?"
Blonde after sex: "Next!"
Redhead after sex: "You had better start chewing some vitamins!"

A man and a redhead are standing at a cocktail party when the woman says to the man, "You look just like my third husband."

"Oh, really?" says the man. "How many times have you been married?"

The woman answers, "Twice."
Two sailors on shore leave, were walking down the street. They spot a beautiful blonde and the first sailor asks his friend "Have you ever slept with a blonde?"

The second sailor replies that he has. They walk on further and see an even more beautiful brunette.

FS" Have you ever slept with a brunette?"

SS" Why yes, in fact I've slept with brunettes on many occasions"

They walk on a little further, and see a gorgeous redhead, who leaves the other two girls for dead.

FS" Have you ever slept with a redhead then?"

His companion looks at him and replies "Not a wink!"

A redhead accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly. make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied
Two men were talking. One said: I'd love to be casseroled by a redhead.

"What's that mean?" his puzzled friend said, "Casseroled is a cooking term, meaning to be done slowly for a long time."

The first man shrugged. "Exactly." he replied.
A young man marrying a redhead asked his father for some marital advice. The father said, "Just remind her who wears the pants in your family."

The evening arrived, the new husband tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here put these on." She did and said "I don't fit into these." "That's right!" he said, "and don't you forget who wears the pants in this family!"

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He looked at them and said, "I can't get into your panties!" She said, "That's right - and you won't until your attitude changes!"

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