You Know You're Getting Old When...
- Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
- The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
- You feel like the morning after and you haven't had the night before.
- Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
- You get winded playing chess.
- Your children begin to look middle-aged.
- You're 17 around the neck, 43 around the waist, and 96 around the golf course.
- You finally reach the top of the ladder, and find it leaning on the wrong wall.
- You join a health club but don't have the energy to go.
- You decide to start procrastinating but never get around to it.
- You're still chasing women but can't remember why.
- Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
- You remember today that your wedding anniversary was yesterday.
- You know all the answers but nobody asks you the questions.
- You look forward to a dull evening.
- A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.
- You walk with your head held high...because you've got new bifocals.
- Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today".
- You turn the light out for economic rather than romantic reasons.
- You sit in a rocking chair but can't make it go.
- Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
- You start to regret all those times you resisted temptation.
- You stop looking forward to your next birthday.
- After painting the town red, you need a long rest before applying the second coat.
- Dialing long distance wears you out.
- You're startled the first time you're addressed as "old timer".
- You just can't stand people who are intolerant.
- The best part of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off.
- After 9:00pm, you're burning the midnight oil.
- Your back goes out more often than you do.
- Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when a pretty woman walks by.
- The little grey-haired old lady you helped across the street was your wife.
- You get your exercise acting as pallbearer for your friends who exercise.
- You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
- You sink your teeth in a thick juicy steak...and they stay there.
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