Dieting Under Stress
| | This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day. |
| NOTE: I don't know what the original of this said, but this one has been put together as kind of an average of all the ones I've seen. |
| ANOTHER NOTE: I have it on the authority of those that should know (stress dieters) that this is all true!) |
Breakfast
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk |
Lunch
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo Cookie |
Mid-afternoon snack
Rest of the Oreo's in the package
2 pints of Rocky Road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce
Nuts, cherries, and whipped cream |
Dinner
2 loaves garlic bread with cheese
Large sausage, mushroom, cheese pizza
4 cans or 1 large pitcher of beer
3 snickers bars |
Late Evening News
Entire frozen cheesecake eaten directly from freezer |
Rules for this Diet
- If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
- If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda
- When you eat with someone else, the calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
- Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast, and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
- If you fatten up everyone else, then you look thinner.
- Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package, not part of one's personal fuel. (Example: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, and Tootsie Rolls.)
- Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
- Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.
- Foods of the same color have the same number of calories. (Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate.)
Note: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
- Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
- Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories, since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate.
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